DBT-A: When the Whole Family Feels Dysregulated
Sometimes it’s not just one person in the house who’s struggling — it’s the whole family system.
A young person doesn’t feel heard or supported. Parents feel exasperated, unsure how to help, and exhausted from trying everything they can think of. The tension builds, and before anyone knows it, the house is in constant crisis mode — arguments blow up fast, or everyone goes silent.
This is what a dysregulated family system can look like:
Always on high alert — the smallest thing feels like it could set someone off.
Walking on eggshells — parents and kids carefully tiptoe around each other.
Escalating emotions — one person’s big feelings pull everyone else into the storm.
Exhaustion — parents feel burnt out, and young people feel misunderstood and alone.
The Biosocial Theory: Why Families Get Stuck
DBT is grounded in the biosocial theory, which explains how emotional dysregulation develops.
Some young people (and parents) are biologically wired to feel things more deeply — their emotions hit faster, stronger, and take longer to settle. That’s the bio side.
But biology doesn’t operate in a vacuum — there’s also the social side. When a young person’s big emotions meet an environment that doesn’t always know how to respond — or unintentionally invalidates how they feel — distress can snowball.
Invalidation isn’t always harsh. It can sound like:
“It’s going to be ok.”
“You’re so capable — you’ll get through this.”
“You’re overthinking this, it’s not that big a deal.”
Even though these responses are well-meaning, they can leave a young person feeling like their emotions don’t make sense or aren’t being taken seriously.
And here’s where the family cycle often locks in:
Parents are struggling too — feeling unsure, overwhelmed, and sometimes exasperated.
In trying to calm things down, step in, or stop the chaos, they might unintentionally react in ways that add fuel to the fire.
Over time, families fall into predictable loops: the young person escalates, the parent reacts, and everyone feels stuck in the same exhausting pattern.
Here’s the twist: when a young person hits a crisis point — yelling, shutting down, or even hurting themselves — parents often drop everything to intervene. That reaction makes sense: no parent is going to ignore a crisis.
But it teaches an unintended lesson: the only time their emotions are taken seriously is when things have reached a breaking point.
Over time, this can reinforce crisis behaviors and keep the entire family stuck.
What DBT-A Looks Like
DBT-A (Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Adolescents and Young Adults) isn’t just "family therapy."
It’s a comprehensive framework for families to learn skills, break painful patterns, and respond to each other differently.
Here’s what’s included:
Multifamily Skills Group — Families learn DBT skills together in a class-like setting. The group setting helps families to see they’re not alone, and parents and young people gain skills together.
Parent Sessions — Separate sessions for parents to examine how their own reactions (even well-meaning ones) may exacerbate distress, and to practice responding more effectively.
Individual Therapy for the Young Person — A space to apply skills, understand and troubleshoot challenges, and focus on their personal goals.
Phone Coaching — Real-time support for using skills in the heat of the moment — not just in theory.
Learning to Ride the Wave Together
Life doesn’t suddenly become "calm" after DBT-A — that’s not the goal.
Big feelings still show up. Challenges still happen.
But instead of drowning in the storm, families start to ride the wave together. They share the same language, the same tools, and a new understanding of what’s been fueling the distress — and how to change it.
Because when the whole family learns how to regulate, everyone can finally breathe a little easier.
Curious whether DBT-A could support your family? Click below to book a free consultation — we’d be happy to connect.
