ADHD: What It Is, What It Isn’t, and Why It’s Not About “Trying Harder”
If you’ve ever wondered whether ADHD means you’re lazy, scattered, or just bad at “adulting,” let’s set the record straight.
ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is one of the most common—and most misunderstood—conditions out there. You’ve heard it used as a punchline (“I’m so ADHD”) or an excuse (“I just can’t focus”). But ADHD isn’t a quirk; it’s a difference in how the brain regulates attention, motivation, and self-control. Understanding that difference changes everything.
So What Is ADHD, Really?
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it’s been present since early life—even if it wasn’t recognized until later.
It involves persistent patterns of inattention, impulsivity, and sometimes hyperactivity that interfere with daily functioning. It’s not about effort or character; it’s about wiring—specifically, how the brain manages dopamine and executive functions like planning, organization, and follow-through.
People with ADHD often:
Lose track of time or tasks, no matter how hard they try not to
Jump between tabs, ideas, or hobbies at lightning speed
Feel bursts of hyperfocus for interesting things but stall on routine ones
Experience emotions in all-caps—fast, big, and hard to shut off
Different brains, different settings, different symptoms—but the same core challenge: regulating attention, emotion, and energy.
Myth #1: “ADHD Is Just Bad Parenting.”
Parenting doesn’t cause ADHD—but environment matters.
A child with ADHD in a chaotic, high-stress household may look more symptomatic than the same child in a structured, calm one. ADHD symptoms are biologically based but environmentally sensitive.
Inconsistent routines, unpredictable consequences, or constant criticism can crank up impulsivity and emotional reactivity. Predictability, warmth, and calm follow-through do the opposite—they steady the system. Parents don’t create ADHD, but they help determine whether it becomes a daily crisis or a manageable difference.
Myth #2: “ADHD Means You Can’t Ever Focus.”
Actually, ADHD is less about not focusing and more about focusing unpredictably.
You can probably zero in on a favorite show, a creative project, or anything urgent—but when a task is boring or repetitive, the motivation system goes dark. It’s chemistry, not laziness.
Dopamine—the neurotransmitter tied to interest and reward—functions differently in ADHD brains. Tasks that don’t feel rewarding yet don’t trigger the same “go” signal. That’s why someone with ADHD might pull an all-nighter on a passion project but avoid laundry for a week.
It’s not “not caring”; it’s a lag between intention and activation. DBT and behavioral strategies help bridge that gap—breaking tasks into smaller steps, adding external accountability, and building habits that don’t rely on “feeling ready.”
Myth #3: “ADHD Medication Is Overused or Unnecessary.”
Let’s be honest: the criticism isn’t entirely wrong. ADHD medication is overprescribed—especially when assessments are rushed without adequate follow-up. That’s a valid concern.
But that doesn’t mean medication doesn’t work. When prescribed thoughtfully and monitored well, stimulant medications are safe, effective, and evidence-based. They help regulate dopamine so the brain can do what it’s meant to do—focus, organize, follow through, and stay emotionally balanced.
Medication isn’t a shortcut; it’s a tool. It won’t do the work for you, but it makes doing the work possible.
In DBT terms: medication can make it easier to access Wise Mind, but you still have to practice the skills once you’re there.
Myth #4: “ADHD Means You’re Not Smart.”
Nope. ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence. Research shows no correlation between IQ and ADHD—people with ADHD exist across the full range of intellect.
Where things fall apart is execution. ADHD disrupts executive functioning—the system that organizes, prioritizes, and remembers to do the thing you meant to do.
Grades may drop, deadlines get missed, effort doesn’t match output. But that’s not a reflection of intellect—it’s a skills gap in organization and task management.
ADHD doesn’t make you less capable; it makes it harder to show your capability. The gap between potential and performance can breed shame and the belief you’re “lazy” or “dumb.” You’re not. You’re just running a brain that needs different scaffolding.
The ADHD–ODD Connection
If your child—or you—has been told there’s both ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), you’re not alone.
ADHD sets the stage for chronic frustration: being told “focus,” “sit still,” or “why can’t you just…” every day is exhausting. When that frustration has nowhere to go, it can show up as anger, defiance, or shutdown.
That’s why ODD often overlaps with ADHD—not because of defiance itself, but because of emotion dysregulation. ADHD brains feel intensely, react quickly, and cool down slowly. Structure, validation, and consistent reinforcement work far better than punishment every time.
“They Just Don’t Care”… or Is It Something Else?
If you’ve ever said—or thought—“They just don’t care,” you’re not alone. But ADHD isn’t about caring less; it’s about a mismatch between desire and follow-through.
The ADHD brain’s motivation system under-responds to delayed rewards. Wanting to do better doesn’t automatically translate into action. Avoidance and procrastination aren’t moral failures—they’re signs of overwhelm and fear of failure.
When we assume someone “doesn’t care,” we often miss the shame underneath. DBT skills like Check the Facts, Opposite Action, and Self-Validation help break that loop—reducing shame and helping people act according to values rather than emotions.
Where That Leaves Us
ADHD isn’t a character flaw. It’s a biological condition with behavioral consequences—and behavioral solutions.
Medication can regulate the brain; therapy (especially DBT) helps regulate your life. Together, they build the structure that ADHD brains thrive on.
Progress isn’t about “fixing” yourself—it’s about understanding how your brain works and building skills that fit it.
If you’re ready to get out of the shame spiral and learn practical tools that work for your brain, you can start here.
Want to see what this could look like for you? Click below to book a free consultation — we’d be glad to help you get started.
